If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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