I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
