Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
