So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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