I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
