My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
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