Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
