You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
