i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
