I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Randomize
