I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
