In the future we'll all be gay
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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