Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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