im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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