well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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