so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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