Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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