Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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