It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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