I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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