My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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