I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
im holly from the hills drunk
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
