Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
