FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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