I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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