Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
