just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
