After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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