Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
