i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
