well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
