Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
