HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
