Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
