so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
