how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
