I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
