Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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