well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
