between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
