Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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