No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
