i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm always down for nudity.
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