Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
