Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
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Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
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All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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