My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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