WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
