sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
