Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
