well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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