by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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