I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
