I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
