I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
