i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
