first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
