i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
