Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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