i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
