def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
