I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
