Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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