with your own penis?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
