Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
