I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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