Please, let me fuck your mom
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Everclear isn't food dammit
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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