I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I need water and some morals
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize