Whod you bang
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
