It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
