i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize