fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish I only lived at night.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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