So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
