i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
