Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car