Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
