he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.