yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
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She's the barista slut.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
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Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.