Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'

(586): View more from Michigan

I thought that was really considerate

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(586): I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating' (586): I thought that was really considerate http://tfl.nu/g1h7

Replies (3) Good night (2474) Bad night (693)
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(727): View more from Florida

a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know

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(727): a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know http://tfl.nu/finx

Replies (35) Good night (4281) Bad night (812)
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(904): View more from Florida

I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.

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(904): I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything. http://tfl.nu/zym5

Replies (71) Good night (706) Bad night (2831)
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(985): View more from Louisiana

I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it

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(985): I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it http://tfl.nu/iwz3

Replies (10) Good night (3408) Bad night (973)
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(309): View more from Illinois

so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....

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(309): so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower.... http://tfl.nu/5ddp

Replies (14) Good night (1162) Bad night (4248)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage

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(724): Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage http://tfl.nu/yt67

Replies (19) Good night (3163) Bad night (1024)
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(425): View more from Washington

If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.

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(425): If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower. http://tfl.nu/0936

Replies (11) Good night (3466) Bad night (1533)
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(541): View more from Oregon

definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass

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(541): definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass http://tfl.nu/ukpo

Replies (6) Good night (1577) Bad night (725)
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(949): View more from California

Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.

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(949): Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities. http://tfl.nu/bc5t

Replies (14) Good night (1629) Bad night (811)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.

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(970): I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message. http://tfl.nu/3foq

Replies (6) Good night (1947) Bad night (547)
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(817): View more from Texas

Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.

(972): View more from Texas

Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.

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(817): Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift. (972): Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking. http://tfl.nu/jm0q

Replies (23) Good night (2637) Bad night (657)
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(585): View more from New York

There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn

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(585): There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn http://tfl.nu/f3ez

Replies (6) Good night (1154) Bad night (450)
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(208): View more from Idaho

I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.

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(208): I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise. http://tfl.nu/iv1d

Replies (2) Good night (1060) Bad night (257)
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(360): View more from Washington

I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.

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(360): I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh. http://tfl.nu/fhs6

Replies (4) Good night (702) Bad night (282)
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(647): View more from Ontario

after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic

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(647): after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic http://tfl.nu/1zuu

Replies (1) Good night (518) Bad night (162)

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