dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
