im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
What drink are we having for lunch?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese