I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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